Trance in a dance

What the hell am I going through? I do something outside of my group home EVERY day, I'm just not satisfied. I really think I have been avoiding that void I have in me, basically a hole in me. I think it is a sickness, a love sickness. I am not sure why I am going through this now. It has been bothering me for a while actually. I try to just push these feelings away, like putting dust under the rug, it just adds up. It is coming to the point to spill the beans, see how I feel then. I am in denial if I say I am not in love, I am and it is that wrong love but honestly love can KNOCK YOU DOWN. Ughhhh.... I just want to scream "I love you" to her but that will be stupid. Love is stupid. Why do I need this now? I got a lot to risk. Is it checkMATE yet? Awwww... forget it, it's a big nothing, it's all in my head, or is it? I DON'T KNOW. One thing about being love sick, I gained confidence, gained SWAGGER, setting more realistic goals, doing something to stop thinking about her, somethings like going to schools, going out on a daily basis, actually talking more. But is this really who I am? Did I discover myself? Or is this a fake me? I honestly have no clue. This still does not answer what the hell I am going through.......

I am confused, a lost soul looking for his other half, a SOUL MATE, Am I joking? a soul mate? seriously? what a joke, theres no such thing, or is there? Who really knows or cares about that? I am trying to have a life, change my life for the better.

I also over analize the small things too much, either about a person, an object, basically overnounalize things, meaning over analizing persons, places, or things... wow that actually made sense... haha I invented a new word, 'overnounalize'

Anyways, What the hell did I just say? well I said I 33 times lol...